A frog & a very dangerous animal you know

To think about it then, i'd be so surprised when somebody who knows me for over 6 years could leave me for someone he just met 6 days ago.

I held grudges. Fuh, time tu memang boleh tahu tahap kesabaran tak tinggi. Sebab dendam. Tengah marah lagi. Syaitan semua seronok dgn aku, astarghfirullah. Siap naik angin, cemburu etc. Pastu, dia pun marah balik nak protect that 6-days-person he just met.

After a week of that specific drama, I let it go. Because i remind myself, 6 or 10 years of friendship but if only them who mock your journey to your dreams won't worth your time. We've finished our high school and i believe that we build our own journey of future/life by ourselves. And if there is someone who gives negative vibes or don't support us, then we shall throw them in a bin. Because I guarantee that there are many more humans who give you positive vibes as well as support. And of course, your family takes part too.

I held him still because I thought I was strong enough to make him from wrong to right but, he was stronger. So he won & I lost. He gave up on listening but I didn't give up on helping.

I have never thought I'd wasted my time getting to know a person. It is nice to know someone either they are bad or good. And I also don't think a person is a bad person. It's a matter of choice to pick them into your life or throw away from your life. And we mention people who we throw away from our lives as bad people.

As months passes by, I met him again. I thought I would see hate in him but Alhamdulillah, nope. It was a moment where I said, "Aku kenal dia ni tapi aku macam tak tahu nak cakap apa dengan dia" So, aku buat bodoh. I literally said to myself "I managed to walk again after what had happened between us"

Like really, you thought you'd as though couldn't live because he was a part of you for years but hey you lived! You felt so glad that it was only for a moment you'd get mad. And after that, no more. You don't even feel or think you care or bother. You'd only feel proud for you have gone through something painful. And then it's like you are trying to get to know a new person now.

You wonder why would you be mad last time. You wonder if it was you last time. You had so many things in mind because you confused yourself!

Though we know and understand 6 years or 6 days or even 6 hours, ni semua takdir Tuhan. Jodoh semua dekat tangan Tuhan. And yes, it was really painful, after all. You would want to wish you'll never feel that pain anymore. But it was a lesson. A pain gains your lesson. And a pain teaches you something.

The next thing you know, you are confused to say Hi again or just walk. Because, I am paranoid. Like a frog who gets bitten by a very dangerous animal, that frog would be afraid of getting to know that animal again.

But I guess, that silly. We control our emotions not emotions control us. So I think a Hi conversation to being friends are perfectly fine :-)

In the end, it was just a story. But where and when must we begin again?

Till we meet again, mate. My prayers are always with you.

There are many more shapes than a square

What shapes do we know, exactly? Many, just many. Also, we've been taught on how to think inside a box which is in a square shape. And when you were in Form 1, the next thing you know is "Next year I'll be in my Form 2". You'll be saying that porbably until you're in Form 5.

And then, what do you ask when you're in Form 5? You can't be saying "I'll be in college". Not everyone is able to pay for the fees, the books etc. You need to plan and planning does its job to know your tomorrow's achievement.

As I grow up, I see and get to understand alot of people. I see how they think not only in a square but also in a circle, hexagon, triangle and other shapes. And what inspired me the most was when each of us has our own problems. It's nice to share our problems and feel the warmth when they lent their hands. But I believe, when you have your own problem, you will know how to solve it. You'd find a way to solve it and then, you plan your progress on solving your problem. And I believe that when you have seen the solution, you could solve it yourself. Unless of course if you needed a hand, then just ask for a help! Never ask them to think for your problem and think for it's solution.

People would give some examples and opinions but that doesn't mean you have to follow them. You make your own choice and it is okay if you don't follow them. They wont be with you until you die. You made a choice, you made a mistake choosing that, you regret. That's a part of life, we all have to deal with it. And when I say deal, I really mean it. Because when you regret, you will cry. And crying over the limit won't change a thing. Take a full energy to think on how to resolve again and say 'I may regret but I have learned and I solved it and now I am happy"

Like now, I write whatever comes out from my mind. I didn't filter anything. I'll get embarrassed if my grammar and vocab here gets very wrong till' you guys laugh at me. Also, I wouldn't know if you understand whatever I've said but I hope I did send a message or two.

I may regret whatever I did in my life but how I solve it, I just get to know more inspirational humans, more-experienced humans and am now managed to build my own castle. I've learned a lot of new things either they are negative or positive, but I did collect knowledge as well as gaining more experiences and confidence.

Thank you to the ones who have been a part of my after high school journey. If you are sincere on helping me then I am sincere being your company.

Watch me playing Ukulele at,
https://youtu.be/XgkSop9JYOs

Till we meet again, xo.

Burung Merpati & Labah-labah

Assalamualaikum,

Zaman Nabi Muhammad dulu, Rasulullah SAW dilindung oleh Burung Merpati & Labah-labah yang membuat sarang di pintu gua sehingga meyakinkan  pemuda-pemuda Quraisy itu  bahawa tiada sesiapa yang berada di dalam gua itu. Sehingga terselamatlah Rasulullah SAW & sahabatnya Abu Bakar dari buruan pemuda-pemuda tersebut. 

Cerita saya pulak, ada seorang student ni bagi kertas yang dah siap lukis  gambar spider. Dia tinggal colourkan je. Bila dah siap, dengan yakin dia cakap "Cikgu simpan la kertas Spider ni. Dulu Spider lindung Nabi dari bahaya orang Quraisy kan. Sekarang harap harap Tuhan hantar orang ke benda baik untuk lindung cikgu dari apa apa benda buruk. Mana tahu spider pun protect cikgu."

The thing a 7 year old boy says. MashaAllah. Tersenyum. Rasa macam gaji sebulan tak dapat pun tak apa la, digantikan dengan reward macam ni. Syukur hehe

The night of Decree.

Assalamualaikum.

It's the last week of Ramadhan. I'm excited for Raya but honestly feeling sad leaving Ramadhan. It has been so beautiful. Selalu kita dengar orang asyik cakap bulan puasa bukan didik kita lebih baik dan sebagainya. Betul.

It taught me how to be more patience, how to tolerate with people yang ada opposite attitude and how to stand up for my right. Terkejut kot bila tahu I can do this. But oh well, memang kalau hati dah tetapkan ikhlas kepada Allah, semua kerja baik berjalan lancar. InsyaAllah.

Tapi sedih jugak sebab azam bulan Ramadhan tahun ni, nak khatam Al Quran. Tengok tengok tak sempat. Tak sampai 15 Juzud baca. SubhanAllah, is it because I was only giving my full attention on working? Terkilan rasa. InsyaAllah, tahun depan kita jumpa lagi ok Ramadhan.

[QS Al Qadr {97}:1-3] Indeed, we sent the Quran down during the night of Decree. And what can make you know what is the night of Decree? The night of Decree is better than a thousand months.

Salam Ramadhan, semoga kita jadi lebih baik for Allah. Amin.

Do you think you feel lonely?

Assalamualaikum.

I don't really understand when or what is lonely. I used to be as open as I can be to this friend of mine. But as time passes, both of us seemed to shut each other and that was when I am changing, too.

I had to shut my mouth, and not share anything with anyone anymore. My good or bad stories happened to hid inside a safe box rather than to share those stories with someone, especially someone you are close with.

I guess I had to change 360 degrees to improve myself too and in many ways, I felt so lonely. But, how i make myself better is when I just talk to Allah about it and I felt less burden but i am curious, am i really lonely? What does lonely really means? Does it even exist?

😔

Life castle

Hualamak selama ni i was emotional for I lost my very last friend. Dari habis sekolah sampai sekarang, satu per satu. Tak sangka the most loved one pergi juga. Innalillah.

Tak mati, semua hidup lagi. Cuma cerita ni menyedihkan. Dan sebenarnya, Alhamdulillah hubungan antara semua masih elok, tak serapat dulu je laa.

Trust me, i was being emotional for these past few days and they were such waste. I could have spend those days with something i wouldve been proud of, sigh.

I had to meet their parents and talk. But then, who is the person you need right now? Yourself. You gotta love yourself, buddy. Haha.

I am walking on a busy and broken road now, there is no short cut. Its going to take a long time until i walk on the easy and safest road. and i am happy. Broken or not, busy or not, dangerous or not, i am happy. Bcs i know, i am strong in a way. And i believe Allah makes me feel this way bcs He knows i can do it. Amin.

My life has turned the other way round recently. My life was upside down, i couldnt stand up. I thought i have lost faith, hope, trust, dignity and more but today, i believe i dont.

I am now standing on my own two feet, seeking for my strength and gain them all over again. Throw them negative thoughts, throw them negative attitudes. Bcs you need to think positive to take your place.

Forgive me for all my wrong doings. My past. Never remind me of my silly and immature attitudes. I have my own life now, feeling free. I am now building my own life castle for me to rest in peace in the hereafter. I have no ones support except for my family. I guess its enough for it is only the starting point.

We may think we have lost every part of our soul but think again. Have you really lost them?

Salam, may Allah bless us all. Be strong!

Friendship

Assalamualaikum,
  It's April already and I have going through a rough month on March. Alhamdulillah for I got over it. To those who involved with my stupid-or-not case, May Allah grant all of you a place in Jannah. I am glad to have you all around me when I was in my weakest moment especially my family. No words could have describe how I totally felt, no words I could describe how appreciate I am but my prayers are always be with you.

  I've realised so many things about a week or two weeks ago. I was in my very dramatic moment of my life. I didn't have anyone I could talk to, no friends. I assume they have many better things to do than just to listen to what I was going to say.  I was in a stage where I was shocked, was alone and confused. I couldn't think of anyone who could help my situation except for one. I thought I could depend on a friend of mine who I've been trusted for almost 6 years. But, no. It's not that I couldn't depend on him but it's because he didn't understand my situation. As a matter of fact, he disrespects me.

  I was blind. Blinded by stupid love, blinded by trending news, blinded by haram things. I thought if I loved someone, I should protect them and care for them. I did that, but in a very wrong way. I realised I only care and protect them here in Dunia. The way I love people only shown in this Dunia, not hereafter.  To the ones I love, I would find and protecting them in the hereafter. Because, this world doesn't last forever. This world is belongs to Allah, and so is our soul. It's hard to believe this but when you seek of knowledge and find yourself understandable, you will soon find out that the feeling you have towards someone is just temporary, includes your family.

  The love feeling you felt for your family is a temporary feeling. I believe Allah doesn't want us to love someone too much because when He takes one's soul, you cry yourself out until you are blind. And when you cry, you question Him, "Why must one die? Why must one die before me?" Just as a reminder, who are we to question Him that? We don't control people, we could only control ourselves. After you question Him, you won't get any replies. Allah would never speaks to you here, and He would never tell you things He has to say. This world is for us to explore and for us to seek more knowledge because knowledge won't come to us that easy. The one who seeks for it desperately, deserves it.  In the end, you are sad that you would never want to make Ibadat for Allah. You prefer to hate Him, disobey Him. Don't. We should never feel this way. I believe the real love is towards Him. So, if you think you love someone too much now, you need to realised that you have to love Allah more than anyone.  May Allah grant us all more understanding.

    Right now, I'm in the stage where I want to be a better person. Not to please anyone but to please Allah. I have realised I should fix myself, my akhlak, my relationship with Allah than I shall be thinking of some other things. Please give me a respect of what I believe and what I've decided to do. I received a lot of negative comments about me trying to change myself, please don't. Either you have something nice to say or don't say anything at all.  My love towards anyone is full of sincerity. I've never hoped for them to loved me back. Just for you to know, I am always negative and think that I have never done anything good. If I were anyone, I wouldn't love myself to. And this is wrong, we have to get to know and love ourselves. Then, only we can get to know someone else. Agree?

  I have a friend who disagrees with my decision. He who disrespects me, must read this. But then, disagree wasn't the worst thing I could experienced in my entire 5-years-friendship. Instead, he wanted to vanish me and delete all of our memories together were the worst. He had his intention on vanish me in his life and I could not lie but to feel upset.

  For weeks, I've prayed, crying on my mom's shoulder, complained to his mother. Also, call up his family members. Foremost, I've prayed hard and complained to Allah and Alhamdulillah, He listens. Last night, he texted me after weeks of trying to vanish me. He felt sorry and asked for my forgiveness. Alhamdulillah, I feel at ease to know we both are doing good now. Though I actually felt a bit awkward inside, but I guess this takes time. I also believe that it is better to feel awkward than to lose him. I believe to break a friendship down is unforgiven. May Allah protects us all from making any bad decisions.

  Have a good day, begins with Bismillah and ends with Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless us all.