Life castle

Hualamak selama ni i was emotional for I lost my very last friend. Dari habis sekolah sampai sekarang, satu per satu. Tak sangka the most loved one pergi juga. Innalillah.

Tak mati, semua hidup lagi. Cuma cerita ni menyedihkan. Dan sebenarnya, Alhamdulillah hubungan antara semua masih elok, tak serapat dulu je laa.

Trust me, i was being emotional for these past few days and they were such waste. I could have spend those days with something i wouldve been proud of, sigh.

I had to meet their parents and talk. But then, who is the person you need right now? Yourself. You gotta love yourself, buddy. Haha.

I am walking on a busy and broken road now, there is no short cut. Its going to take a long time until i walk on the easy and safest road. and i am happy. Broken or not, busy or not, dangerous or not, i am happy. Bcs i know, i am strong in a way. And i believe Allah makes me feel this way bcs He knows i can do it. Amin.

My life has turned the other way round recently. My life was upside down, i couldnt stand up. I thought i have lost faith, hope, trust, dignity and more but today, i believe i dont.

I am now standing on my own two feet, seeking for my strength and gain them all over again. Throw them negative thoughts, throw them negative attitudes. Bcs you need to think positive to take your place.

Forgive me for all my wrong doings. My past. Never remind me of my silly and immature attitudes. I have my own life now, feeling free. I am now building my own life castle for me to rest in peace in the hereafter. I have no ones support except for my family. I guess its enough for it is only the starting point.

We may think we have lost every part of our soul but think again. Have you really lost them?

Salam, may Allah bless us all. Be strong!

Friendship

Assalamualaikum,
  It's April already and I have going through a rough month on March. Alhamdulillah for I got over it. To those who involved with my stupid-or-not case, May Allah grant all of you a place in Jannah. I am glad to have you all around me when I was in my weakest moment especially my family. No words could have describe how I totally felt, no words I could describe how appreciate I am but my prayers are always be with you.

  I've realised so many things about a week or two weeks ago. I was in my very dramatic moment of my life. I didn't have anyone I could talk to, no friends. I assume they have many better things to do than just to listen to what I was going to say.  I was in a stage where I was shocked, was alone and confused. I couldn't think of anyone who could help my situation except for one. I thought I could depend on a friend of mine who I've been trusted for almost 6 years. But, no. It's not that I couldn't depend on him but it's because he didn't understand my situation. As a matter of fact, he disrespects me.

  I was blind. Blinded by stupid love, blinded by trending news, blinded by haram things. I thought if I loved someone, I should protect them and care for them. I did that, but in a very wrong way. I realised I only care and protect them here in Dunia. The way I love people only shown in this Dunia, not hereafter.  To the ones I love, I would find and protecting them in the hereafter. Because, this world doesn't last forever. This world is belongs to Allah, and so is our soul. It's hard to believe this but when you seek of knowledge and find yourself understandable, you will soon find out that the feeling you have towards someone is just temporary, includes your family.

  The love feeling you felt for your family is a temporary feeling. I believe Allah doesn't want us to love someone too much because when He takes one's soul, you cry yourself out until you are blind. And when you cry, you question Him, "Why must one die? Why must one die before me?" Just as a reminder, who are we to question Him that? We don't control people, we could only control ourselves. After you question Him, you won't get any replies. Allah would never speaks to you here, and He would never tell you things He has to say. This world is for us to explore and for us to seek more knowledge because knowledge won't come to us that easy. The one who seeks for it desperately, deserves it.  In the end, you are sad that you would never want to make Ibadat for Allah. You prefer to hate Him, disobey Him. Don't. We should never feel this way. I believe the real love is towards Him. So, if you think you love someone too much now, you need to realised that you have to love Allah more than anyone.  May Allah grant us all more understanding.

    Right now, I'm in the stage where I want to be a better person. Not to please anyone but to please Allah. I have realised I should fix myself, my akhlak, my relationship with Allah than I shall be thinking of some other things. Please give me a respect of what I believe and what I've decided to do. I received a lot of negative comments about me trying to change myself, please don't. Either you have something nice to say or don't say anything at all.  My love towards anyone is full of sincerity. I've never hoped for them to loved me back. Just for you to know, I am always negative and think that I have never done anything good. If I were anyone, I wouldn't love myself to. And this is wrong, we have to get to know and love ourselves. Then, only we can get to know someone else. Agree?

  I have a friend who disagrees with my decision. He who disrespects me, must read this. But then, disagree wasn't the worst thing I could experienced in my entire 5-years-friendship. Instead, he wanted to vanish me and delete all of our memories together were the worst. He had his intention on vanish me in his life and I could not lie but to feel upset.

  For weeks, I've prayed, crying on my mom's shoulder, complained to his mother. Also, call up his family members. Foremost, I've prayed hard and complained to Allah and Alhamdulillah, He listens. Last night, he texted me after weeks of trying to vanish me. He felt sorry and asked for my forgiveness. Alhamdulillah, I feel at ease to know we both are doing good now. Though I actually felt a bit awkward inside, but I guess this takes time. I also believe that it is better to feel awkward than to lose him. I believe to break a friendship down is unforgiven. May Allah protects us all from making any bad decisions.

  Have a good day, begins with Bismillah and ends with Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless us all.

Satisfied enough, I am.

How are you? Did you skip any meals? How are your sickness, allergies, etc? What's new?

Probably these questions've been running around my mind, wondering about your silly life. And silly me if I say I'd be thinking of you but nah, just tonight, I thought of you.

I didn't expect to see you around but I did. And I didn't expect you showed up with someone else. Someone that I know too. I should have known though you've been talking about her for more than one and I thought it was nothing. But, no one knows deep inside your heart.

I'm not mad nor sad but if only I see a clearer version earlier, it'd be better haha. But, God is good. May He grant us more understanding and protects us always.

And, am not trying to be mean or worst, I just wish you'd move as soon as possible. I can't control people but I wish I could. But hey, that's what happened when you break up in the same town. You gotta move or move on.

Stay healthy, protect your loved ones from any harm :D

Keep being strong. Becaue you'll be weaker when you are sad. I used to be like that but nu-uh, not anymore. So, I guess - never be sad if you had to leave someone who doesn't appreciate you.

Allah Maha Pengasih

Assalamualaikum,
Baru baru ni aku rajin sembang dengan orang yang kita panggil, berilmu. Kerja nak share ilmu dia je, bagus la. Tak kedekut ilmu.
Bukan nak kata yang lain tak berilmu, cuma ala kadar dan itu pun cukup baiknya.

Aku ada bercerita tentang aku-
I want to pause everything because I feel like I have to fix my relationship with The Creator. So I did. Susah jugak la, because I've been used to do things that shouldn't do, things that The Almighty would be mad. Tu semua hasutan Syaitan, dan iman aku memang lemah.

Dan sekarang aku sedar banyak benda yang aku masih tak tahu, dah la banyak, rasa macam terlambat pun ada. Tapi, Dia lagi mengetahui perangai aku. Kata orang yang berilmu tu pula, aku dihantar sekolah yang kita panggil terdedah dengan pelbagai. Jadi, aku mungkin terikut dengan perangai yang tak baik, mungkin terbawa bawa sampai aku sedar sekarang. Dan bila aku terdetik hati nak ubah, mungkin jalan untuk aku lebih senang. Katanya la. Sesungguhnya kot mana pun, Allah lagi tahu.

Kata orang berilmu tu lagi, orang orang yang dibesarkan di dalam sekolah yang tidak terdedah langsung dgn pelbagai, dorang takkan ada nafsu nak cuba benda benda yang tak patot. Jadi, bila dah tiba masa untuk dorang langkah ke College ke University ke, iman dorang terganggu. Banyak hasutan syaitan. Dan sebabtu ada je orang yang dulu kita kenal baik orangnya, bila besar, jadi sebaliknya.  May Allah protects us all.

Jangan berhenti cari ilmu. Ilmu takkan berjalan dekat kita sendiri je, kita yang mencari ok?

But remember, in your life, you've given a choice for yourself. Either you choose for the best, or the worst, you will need to choose one. Though the best or worst has its own reward, you'll have to make a choice.

Dan sebenarnya yang penting, Allah Maha Pengasih. Dia sayang dekat kita, minta minta lah doa supaya selalu dilindung olehNya. Jangan biar orang lain doa untuk kita je, usaha sendiri pun penting. I believe everyone has its own time to change, we could only pray and sabr.

Yang baik datang dari Allah, yang buruk datang dari saya sendiri. Forgive me.

The escalator skirt

Assalamualaikum.

To girls, pernah tak korang pakai long skirt? Lepastu, kembang kembang haha.

I wore that yesterday and it got stucked into the escalator. I pulled, it didn't get off. Nasib baik, ada hamba Allah ni yang kuat. Yela, kerja dekat fitness dulu. Mana tak naik muscle dia ye dok?

He pulled my skirt with one try and yay, Alhamdulillah syukur skirt tak koyak! Hehe

Feeling embarrassed but, benda nak jadi~

Cuba tanya, pernah tak disoal macam ni?

Bila seorang perempuan diberi hidayah untuk menutup aurat sepenuhnya, pernah tak dia diuji cabaran? Cuba tanya dia.

Ada seorang hamba tanya dia-
Awak ni pakai macam ni teringin jadi ustazah ke?

Kedua, awak tak nak ke tunjuk aurat tu sikit, nampak la cantik lagi.

Pernah tak sesiapa diuji macam ni? Saya.

Jangan la salah faham, jangan la tak tahu ilmu agama langsung. Malu dekat diri sendiri.

Dan bila pakai full set hitam, orang tanya
"Awak ni pengikut Syiah ye?"

Atau, "Nak pergi berkabung ke?"

Bila pakai full set putih pula, ada yang tanya
"Ada kebumian nak kena pergi ke?"

Atau, "teringin jadi bidadari ye?"

Hidup. Penuh dengan orang yang tak mengerti. Yang malas cari ilmu. Carilah wahai rakan, masa takkan berhenti. Masa kekal berjalan. Jangan bila kita tua, baru menyesal.

Maklumlah, tanda tanda akhir zaman meningkat, aku nasihat kepada korang untuk sedar lah kesilapan kita dan muhasabah la diri. Also, be prepared because you can die in just a minute.

Bagi aku soalan soalan tadi agak sensitive tapi bila aku sedar mereka sebenarnya tak berilmu, aku jadi lebih semangat. Maaf, tapi cubalah belajar. Ilmu harus dicari, bukan dia datang bila bila.

Mudah mudahan kalian diberi hidayah dan pertunjuk oleh Allah. May He guide you to His path and may He forgive our wrong doings.

Dan marilah kita sama sama doakan bagi Allah buka pintu hati kita, memilih kita untuk ke jalan benar dan supaya kita diberi hidayah oleh Allah.

Naik tangga slow slow, yang penting jangan putus asa mencari ilmu.

Islam tu mudah, diri je yang menyusahkan. Whats good come from Himself, whats bad come from ourselves.

Assalamualaikum.
Soalan soalan ni tidak dituju pada sesiapa yang make joke of it. The ones who asked me curiousity are the ones who should know.

A dream can be beautiful, a dream can be ugly.

Assalamualaikum.

Syukur for a very good morning I had today with my family. Syukur, I feel loved by the Almighty, and my family.

But my dream was in between.

Pernah tak korang ada banyak masalah, more than 1 to be exact. Haha, 2 pun cukup. Then, korang sedih and feeling down sebab there wasn't any clue to settle down and to overcome your sadness.

You tried so hard to think the solution, but nah. Doa je senjata, harapan untuk diberi petunjuk.

So you slept at night feeling sad, tears everywhere. Sekali dalam mimpi, your problems are settled down. There was a way for it, given by the Almighty. It's like the Almighty is trying to give you a message. It feels like He was there for me, when I was sad and in trouble. But knowing HE is there for you, happy tak?

I had a dream my problems are gone, things between people are back to normal, me feeling loved by many. It's so good to be dreaming something like that sometimes. At least you have something to smile rather than not.

Bangun bangun, realised that tu semua hanya mimpi.. jadi, tak tahu mimpi tadi tu petunjuk untuk cara selesaikan masalah or, petunjuk supaya untuk bersabar and only depend on HIM sebab things will be back to normal one day, InsyaAllah.

May Allah bless us all and grant us more understanding. And may He guide me to Jannah.