Complicated and sad

Who would've thought everything comes to an end?

The world don't always please you and sometimes, you have to listen more than you can only think. And for the excellent result, I think one doesn't have to be selfish. Think about others feelings, think about their life and ask yourself "Am I doing it right to be treating someone like this?" And ask yourself again "How does it feel if I was the victim to be treated like that?" And my question to you, Do you like making people confuse and sad? Do you wish to feel that way?

For almost 5 months, I tried to change myself to get used to people's attitude. I tried to accept their goods and bads, their understanding and misunderstanding moments. But, I get tired when I've always failed since Day 1. I realised I'm living only to please you without I feel the happiness in it. And you? You don't realised how hard for me to walk.

It's so complicated and sad how I had to blame you.

I spent the night thinking about this matter. In the end, there's only myself that could understand me. You whom I thought would feel my pain, weren't here beside me. Instead, you let everything hurt me. You would only think of what comes in your way, not mine, not us. You are just being selfish, but why couldn't I accept that anymore? Is it because I always feel sad and confuse? Is it because I don't feel happy to be treated by you? Sakit.

I did my part to tell you how I felt, did talk to you about this and you were always fine when we discussed. As if, you sounded you're wrong and you're sorry. But as day passes by, you don't change because you cannot.

And since both of us just couldn't accept, it's better to be this way. Alhamdulillah for we always talk when one of us in trouble. Alhamdulillah for you depend a part of your life on me.

So far, mesti korang tahu who am I talking. Yes, him. It's not the end, it sounded like it is.

Salam sayang, me.

Sarcastic? Respect? Whaaat?!

Assalamualaikum,

I am currently working on a part time job as an educator. Clearly, like a preschool teacher. On the first month of the year, my work place decided to have a promotion or shout out about the place. So, one of the way was distributing flyers.

Besides distribute flyers, there was one way where we put a short note about this work place inside every newspapers. And that wasn't my job to do that.

I was in charge on distributing flyers with a friend of mine.  On the day we distribute the flyers to primary students' parents, half of them accepted with their clean and open heart. Well the other half was just being plain rude. They disrespect me and look down on me. How sad was I?

One, when I gave the flyers to a parent. She  asked me "Kumon eh?" I said, "yes, please take one" then, rudely she said, "AH TAKNAK" while screaming. I mean, I'm not stating that I hate that woman. She was rude so I felt hurt and shocked for I had to see that kind of person in my life. More over, we have physically 3 common things. We have the same gender, religion and race. 

Either you are older than me or younger than me, we have to respect each other. As far as I lived, I've learned we should respect each other and I don't think I have ever disrespect a soul. I'm sorry if I ever did. Please, take a note and realise we are humans, we breathe the same air. You dont buy this world for yourself, do you?

After that pain and hurt incident, I decided not to face any parents. It was my first time and I really don't have enough courage. Later, after short thinking, I placed those flyers on cars' windscreens. I'm sure everyone would take off the flyers and check them out! Only a few the flyers were given to the drivers.

Second, most of the parents asked us to give the flyers to the children instead of the parents. Yes, it was a brilliant idea indeed but we have tried that way before and it didn't work for us. Almost all of the children kept the flyers and didn't bother to share with their parents. The worst one was some of them even threw the flyers away.

Ish, selama ni I read few flyers given to me selamba je. Tak baca betul betul. Sekali baca, bila tak minat, buang. Bila minat pun, simpan je dalam bag and tak pernah bawak keluar. Bila teringat, rasa malas pula nak bagi muka dekat flyers tu. Haih, Allah memang bayar cash. Now its my turn to give out flyers. I think the person who always distribute flyers either about education, cars or anything would understand my situation haha. 

Today, on my way back home from work, I walked. I saw that woman again in the car, she was at the guard house entering my neighbourhood. I smiled to her because she was staring at me. I didn't recognise her at first, thought she was a neighbour somewhere so that makes her stare at me as if she knew me. 

Still, I walked and walked. She stopped her car by the road, was sending her passengers off. Those passengers were basically students. So, I think she worked as a transporter. And then, our distance between each other getting nearer and nearer, it just felt so uncomfortable. 

Then, she smiled and politely asked "Tinggal sini ke adik?" "Yeah, dekat depan tu je", I answered cheerfully. I mean, everyone knows I am that happy-go-lucky kind of lady hahaha. Then she asked "Kerja dekat Kumon lagi eh? Tak hantar flyers dah ke?" I was offended by the was she asked. I'm not sure if she asked sarcastically or not but she sounded she wasn't. So I simply answered "Dah habis dah haritu, so tak hantar flyers dah" 

She smiled and said "Oh ye ke. Goodluck eh, pergi dulu" In this case, I said to myself, I think she's trying to be nice again. I mean,  maybe she has realised what she did so she was being nice and acts everything cool. It's amazing how people changed. Haha, I mean I shouldn't think she's going to be a bad woman forever. At least she tried being nice and I just have to pray for good things happen to/between us. Kan? InsyaAllah.

Till next time, I'm sorry.

Miss Kuah

My amazing account tuition teacher, Miss Kuah.  

Masa zaman Form 4, someone told me about Puan Bee Tin Kuah , the accounting tuition teacher near my house. Susah jugak la nak cari number dia and finally I got it from a friend of mom. I can't really remember who, but I owe that friend a big time.

So I think the beginning of 5-6 months of Form 4 year, I was, you can call me a nerd student. I would go to her tuition every week. Lama lama, I skipped. I had my reasons though. School extra stuffs, family stuffs and important events. It weren't really excuses, true things just happened on the tuition day lol. 

Then during form 4 tu, memang my performance in accounts were great la haha. Of course, I'm proud. I felt I did the best after PMR life. Tapi, bila masuk Form 5, I got lazier. I skipped Puan Kuah's tuition too many times using the same old reasons. But with love, she has always texted me and reminded me about tuition and account.

Dalam jahat jahat, she see me as an A in account student. I used to say she might be wrong because I was really a lazy bum. I pun tak tahu dari sudut mana she see the A in me.

After SPM ACC day, I cried because it was so hard. I literally skipped 1-2 questions because I got no time. But sempat la buat basic format. I was too focusing on hard questions. That day, I told my school teacher, "Sorry, I dont think I can give you an A credit" I was upset and I was thinking if only I wasn't a lazy bum. If only I did better with best confidence.

Masa result day, tears of joy when my Acc is A!! Big thanks to Puan Kuah and my school teacher though. Puan Kuah kept on saying she didn't teach me enough, she only helped me a little. While i say, she made me understand everything and I thank you for that. And also, from the help of my family who have given me so many supports and prayers.

Today, I went to visit her at her place. It felt good to see her again, I felt like a student again haha. I gave her a copy of my SPM slip, highlighted the Acc part ONLY. Few make-up stuff and a pic of me during my graduation. Now, I heard she has framed my pic on her wall 

I saw tears in her eyes while I was visiting. I hope she's proud of me in every ways. I'm just glad and sorry not sorry, my after-SPM stories have not yet come to an end. There'll be more! >:)

7th March

Assalamualaikum.

Exactly two years ago, this date, 7th March  2013, a pretty boy surprised me in class and asked me whether I liked him or not. This year, he more likely surprised me with this piece of beauty! I appreciate it so much, thank you :)  I wanted this purse since the first day it published, I told him if only I have money to buy this and yay! I finally got it. 

I don't collect purse. Before I had this purse, I used a Celine purse that Mom bought for me as my 14th Birthday gift. Also, I had a  Coach purse given by Mom way before my 14th birthday. Absolutely beautiful and it still has it's beauty.  And I haven't changed my purse ever since, just between those two. There'll be time I used for travel, there'll be time I used for shopping and everyday use. There was once, I changed every 6 months... Haha. 

Story about my purse:

I lied. I didn't tell him I wanted this exactly purse of course! Psst, why would I? :P I told him I needed/wanted a purse with phone holder inside. There was a few of my choices beside Fossil, but I don't have enough money to buy and I was just planning to buy one. I was in deeply serious on collecting my own money to buy my own purse, ok. Then  two months back, he asked me to pick a design! So I picked something more like childish-cute-silly yet feminine like design. He disagree, and suggested me with a design like the above picture. Based on the design he sent through whatsapp, it looked pretty ugly and I said NO. I don't want that ugly design! Also, I asked him if I could buy something from another Brand, he said NO. Just, Fossil. I think Fossil has got to be his favourite shop...

  And now, he's surprised me with the purse I wanted with the design he wanted and it looks prettier in life! I swear it is so pretty inside and out. Sorry, no picture taken from the inside purse. Haha. I couldn't be more happier :)

  Thank you for this gift. I wish you had never make a mistake like how you did last year. Things were rough between us that time, eh? Haih. May Allah protects us always and bless us ok! Bye

Pitcha

4 years old student's pet dog died, named Pitcha. It's a male.

She took English and ada flashcard gambar dog. I asked her "Do you have a dog?" She said "Yes, Maya and Pitcha. But Pitcha died, he went to Heaven. I think God called him to come back home. Pitcha needs to be with God"

Amazing. Then I asked "Are you sure that God called him home?" She said "yes, very sure. Heaven is the best place although I haven't been there but I know one day I will. God needs me too but not now. Maybe soon. Now I just want to prepare everything and learn everything so I can tell God in Heaven."

Topic dah tutup. 5 minit kemudian she sambung "If you don't know this, let me tell you. One day, God will call you and you have to be there for Him. He is all alone in Heaven, He needs more friends. Teacher Hani has to prepare good things and be there for God. In Heaven, they provide so many things better than Earth!"

Speechless lah.
I asked her "Are you sad Pitcha is gone?" She said "yes I was for a moment. Then I realised, I have Mummy, Daddy, Maya and many more. God is alone. It is better for Pitcha to stay beside God than me"

Oh satu lagi. I did ask her "What do you mean by God called Pitcha home?" She said "Well our home was originally placed only God knows, we only shift to the Earth and we only borrow things from the Earth. We have to give back to God one day  because everything belongs to Him, including my heart"

Comment?

Fly into the book, our high school love story.

I can't lie and I don't want to. I admit I have a crush on the same silly guy I liked ever since we were Form 1. Haha

Anyways, we've finally in the year of 2015 which make us 18 years old this year. Obviously, we would be thinking of college life, which university to apply and so forth. It upsets me a little how time flies and we couldn't talk as much as we did few years back! Life goes on.

I know this sounds pathetic in many ways. But I  like to be given informations about a person I like. Where he goes, what is he doing and who he is meeting. Not every single day I would ask for information. Maybe, once a week. But yeah, it is always better if i have known his schedule time..right? But that just doesn't give him some space for himself.

College life is starting. Very soon, i'm scared of our different times and our lack of social. I wouldn't say im overthinking over this but if only I can know the answer before I even question about it. Haih.

Well actually, I know we could have our time and spend together but.... Ok bye.

2A+ 1A, 4B+ 1B, 1C+

Keputusan SPM 2014, sayalah calon SPM 2014.

Alhamdulillah, time has passed. Ingat lagi tak I was being emotional thinking of my result. Wondering if I did good or bad. Haha benda tu semua paid off after I scored.

3As? I am so happy and proud of it. Don't follow me but I never target for straight As. 3As were my minimum target just because I need 3 Credits for my college course. Lepas ni juniors, target banyak As and study well.

5Bs? Ni bangga jugak sebab never really score for these subjects. Except: Maths and Ekonomi. Drop a little for these subjects but that's alright. I really proud  that I did the best.

1C+?!!! Ni sakit hati sikit aa, ada ke my English C?! Haih, bukan nak blame anything but I admit I did my literature quite bad. Time buat tu, I said to myself "I gave up on this section" dosa la tu. Haha shouldn't have give up. So lesson learned. Never give up.

Maths, Accounts and English have always been my favourite subjects. Out of these 3, only 1 I got A which is Accounts.

Funny when subjects you didn't expect to get an A, you dapat. Like my accounts and perdagangan. Ingat lagi, I cried after I did those papers. Sebab susah sangat. I skipped quite alot of questions yet I scored A for both. Syukur, Allah sangat hebat.

My plans after this? Relax, tunggu abang balik from his university. Lepak lepak dengan dia sampai puas. Travel satu dunia, lepastu baru fikir college and that would be around next year, 2016.

My college course? I loved kids, babies. I enjoyed being with them, enjoyed guiding them and develoo their minds. So like I said earlier, I want to take Early Childhood Development course in my college. satu je masalah sekarang. Do you guys have any suggestions for my college? The best one, the nearest to my house cause I never want to leave this house hahaha.

Sekian.