Swim

Subang Jaya people must have heard of this 3K Complex. It opens for public use and after renovation, it has this exclusive slots on a Wednesdays for only women to swim. Well, Hannah Yeoh had posted about it few days ago. I'm surprised you guys wouldn't know. Oh, of course, 4 of Uber Drivers that I know didn't know where is 3K Complex and had no idea how to get themselves there. It's weird, they had Waze. Well, at least the Expensive Taxi saved my soul today.

About 3K, I haven't got myself explore the place yet but then, I did explore the swimming pool. That's what I did today though. Pool opens at 8AM and closes at 10PM. Their slots are 2 hours per slot. Like Slot 1 is at 8AM till 10AM, Slot 2 is at 10AM till 12PM and so on. But on Wednesdays, Slot 4 to Slot 6 which is at 4PM till 10PM are exclusively open for only women. So like me, I go at Slot 4 at 4PM on Wednesdays. It's got to be my weekly work out. Finger crossed hehe.

3K provides two swimming pools. An adult and a kids pool. I saw it had a lot of children swimming, playing water guns, splashing here and there. And yes, not to mention the ones who just sit by the pool and get their feet wet instead of their whole bodies. I was one of them back when I was in Primary days. My first swimming class was here! Their changing rooms are also not that bad.

My drama today was that I request Uber service but 4 of them didn't know where's this 3K Complex. I was pretty much frustrated though, I mean my battery died because of them. I needed to track them, needed to switch on my mobile data for them. End up, none of them knew. Before my battery died, it had like I think it was 11%, I got to contact the 4th Driver. I thanked this driver so much for actually spend almost 30 minutes trying to search for me, basically I was just waiting in the middle of 3K Complex's entrance. But same old bad news, he couldn't find me. He was lost somewhere in the middle of some factories he mentioned. And, my phone's battery finally died.

So, me dragging my frustration emotions, search for a person who could actually help me to contact a taxi for me. Alhamdulillah, I found one. She was handling the guests who came to the complex and sorting out some cash. I asked her if she could do me a favour, contact a taxi for me and what not. She did for me, and in 10 minutes, the specific taxi had arrived. I will never forget that lady.

From USJ 4 to 3K Complex, the most expensive an Uber costs me would be RM8. With Taxi service, it costs me RM14. WHY. But I am thankful for the service because I was pretty much desperate. So sometimes you got to call Uber but if they are dragging your time trying to search for you, just give Taxi a call. It costs us more but waiting for Uber sometimes aren't really worth it. They try hard, thank you but we need to save our time too. Unless you don't mind waiting then it should be good. I had to wait for more than 45 minutes so it pissed me off.

I can say that I am really happy for I finally spend myself some swimming activity and I truly believe what I did today was right and it was the best policy.

Blue Bird

I was one of 155 students and I was chosen to be in Group 6 with 14 other members. So, each group should have 15 members. We were asked to give our group a name and I, as the leader told my other members to suggest me a name and I'll pick the best. I knew there was like, Challenger, Champion, Amazing, Triple 6 and so on.  But I picked Blue Bird because we were all wearing Jeans and coincidentally we wanted something like 'Fly' but we couldn't go for Blue Fly so we go for Blue Bird.

In Blue Bird, we have student who's joining Accounting, Commerce, Psychology, Arts & Design, ADP, Marketing and other things. What I'm trying to say is, each of my members is joining different courses. Tu pun kebetulan la actually. Our Senior simply picked us all in one group. Macam how Simon Cowell formed Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and others into one group and become One Direction haha. Oh, I was the only Malay in Blue Bird though.

On the second day of our orientation, we had to play this Explore Our College game. We had to do by group, of course. The games are like, half bending a can tin and make it stable by pouring a little bit of liquid. Or, get our members to jump based on given timer and had our picture taken while jumping. Or, blowing a packet full of flour to get 6 candies. We had a total of 6 games and we are supposed to do it right to get high marks. Also, we were given about 3 hours time to complete every challenges. In Blue Bird, we didn't get full marks for all challenges. The highest we got was 9/10. And we were the second to finish everything. But this hasn't yet tell us our final result.

If you ever watch Running Man. Yes, this Explore game really follow Running Man regulations. Like we had to climb the stairs from Basement 2 to 11th Floor and then back to Ground Floor and then climb up to 10th Floor. WE REALLY LOST OUR BREATH. We didn't want to use the lift because it takes a lot of time. We'd be wasting our time waiting for it pun. Over all, we had fun playing the game together as a team and those lost of oxygen//shaky tiring legs cooled off when we were announced to be the TOP 3!

Tomorrow, we may not going to meet each other because we have to go to specific given room based on our course. But I'm keeping Blue Bird as long as we can hold each other. I would hold longer because hey, when the game was on, they waited for me outside the prayer room for about 15 minutes and let myself perform my prayer. A member said, "This is just a game. You got to do your responsibility."  I don't know man but I feel like this year, Raya Aidilfitri, I need to have Blue Bird members to gather in my open house. I feel I should treat them special!

Khabar dia.

I supposed semua orang ada a friend we lost contact tapi at times, we do think of them.  Sometimes, kita even risau whereabouts dia or, our mood swings bila tak jumpa muka dia. Dari jauh pun takpe asalkan nampak. Betul tak?

One night, I had a dream of my friend that I lost contact for almost a year. Tapi tahu la cerita hidup dia cuma we don't talk and what not. I dreamt dia almost dying. Sebab badan dia over heat and short of breath sampai berpeluh peluh. I woke up from the dream at 4AM, had myself worried and wondered what exactly happened to this fellow. I wanted to text one of family members dia tapi takkan nak kacau diorang time tu. In the end, I put my cutie Spongebob's headphone on and listen to Just A Dream by Nelly on repeat, kuat kuat trying not to worry anything. Dapat je tidur balik sebenarnya.

The next  day, I asked a couple of my friends. Saja nak tahu update/khabar this fellow sampai termimpi sakit bagai. Unfortunately, semua tak tahu. None. Maybe sebab dia tak duduk Subang so no one knows khabar dia. Desperately, I managed to text the sister, asking "Dia sihat ke? Semalam mimpi dia tak sihat. Badan overheat, lelah sampai berpeluh-peluh. Terasa la risau sikit"  But my question didn't get the answer because the sister pun tak tahu. I gathered my emotions together and forced myself to believe that it was just a dream and these worrying-sickness feelings aren't real. I mean, I have the ability to control those feelings if I want to.

Today, (3 days after the dream), ada gang told me that  dia isn't feeling well till semalam (2 days after the dream), needed to check dekat hospital.  Terkejut la. I was like, SO THE DREAM WAS A MESSAGE?! The dream really frightened me a little bit but at least the dream told me khabar dia. I was told by the mother that dia demam panas. Syukur that cuma demam biasa but still! It could've been worse.

Bila fikir balik, we were good buddies. We had our bond tied together. Wished it won't break, we wished it's everlasting and stay gold forever. Today I think I can see that our bond is still alive. It had it's heart beating but it doesn't have a thing to survive. So it's a 50-50 condition.

Haha, take care little man.

Mama turns *6!

Bismillahirahmanirrahim.
Behind the scene of Mama's birthday cake.

So, two weeks ago, I decided to do something for my mom for her birthday (19th Sept). I was thinking of baking a cake myself.

I promise you this is my first time baking a cake by myself! I usually bake cupcakes, really hehe. Mama's favourite cake is Victoria Sandwich. You know the cake with strawberries in the middle. Yeah. In this case, I don't use fruits. I used jam. Its still nice. Nice to be eaten!

Anyways, I asked Aunty Ana to bring her out on Monday morning so that i can bake without her knowing. After I done baking, Aunty Ana sent Mama home and when Mama got into her room, quickly I passed the cake to Aunty Ana. Can you guys tell how I did things in a flash? Honestly, I saw Mama was looking at us from her window. But! Luckily she didnt see the cake haha.

She asked me what did i do outside. Simply, i said "saja salam dengan Aunty"... Haha. And then on Tuesday, Mama said she wanted to bake Victoria Sandwich because dah lama tak makan. I thought she was being sarcastic, because maybe she knew about it kan? But from her expression,  her face really meant that she dah lama tak makan cake. That kesian looking face memang kesian sangat la.

And so drama today: i worked until noon. And then, Aunty picked me up from work and we go to Mak Ani's (Mama's best friend) house. We were there sebab nak tumpang decorate the cake I baked. Mak Ani wasn't there when we busy decorating. We literally went there to only tumpang her house. So basically, the good looking flowerish icing was decorated by Aunty! I just put on the beads to make it look more flower-ish. And soft.

And the colour of the writing isn't bright enough, but it was one of the biggest effort Aunty did. It is also Mama's favourite green colour. We thought the colour was so soft too, so we decided to add beads on the writings to make the writings look more shining? You can put it that way haha.

Finally, tadaa! Mama's pre birthday dinner. Happy birthday, Mama! (Ps: Mama's birthdays has been full of surprises. I remember last year, where my house was full of her friends to surprise her. Honestly, they were loud enough that my neighbour could hear them. Yet, Mama yang dekat atas tak sedar her friends ada dalam rumah. And i still dont get it how she didnt hear the noises that her friends made. When I called her to come down, only she realised her friends were there. Oh well, that is what we call Surprise party kan? Haih, my mom :) )

Salam Aidiladha!

From 7PM, 23RD SEPT till 4PM, 24TH SEPT;
my aunty & her family came over for buka puasa and then, we lepak until we didn't even realised what time it was! What does that mean again? Fun, happy. Hehe, dah lama la tak reunion dengan cousin sampai camtu. We talk and talk and eat and eat. Macam tak sedar lagi sejam lebih nak Subuh pastu kena siap pergi masjid.

I can probably say that they are my closest family since i was a baby. So, i'm sure i missed them after so long not meeting and chatting. My cousin who is 19 years old now is the closest to me. We were like twins back then. She has just finished her Foundation studies, so she's now on her holiday mood.

She told me about how was her holidays treating her. We talked about our future plans, things that needed to be changed if there is any and as usual, just fun talk about our family history. From my grandma to her grandparents and etc.

When both my family and hers gather in the living room, we talked about something different. We talked about my late grandpa who was a policeman. I got to meet him until i was 3 years old. There isn't much memories I could remember myself spending with him but I do have some I could always remember about. Like how he always call my full name, and i will answer with "Ku Abit". How he used to play my curly hair.

My mom & aunty who happened to be his daughters, talked about him and mentioned every good details he has done. I feel like I could get to know him better even though he is not breathing the earth's air anymore.

That's why it was a little bit special. We didn't always talk about him. This is like the first time after so long of not mentioning him. I miss, him.

Salam Aidiladha, kita sembelih lembu pastu potong potong daging ok? lagi berapa jam je nak pergi masjid. Tah la nak tidur ke nak mandi ke nak gosok baju dulu. Reunion part two will be held tomorrow, I supposed. Hehe

Can I write about #bersih4 here?

Got you guys, I wouldn't write anything about politics. Not now. 

-> Clan Ahmad at Johnny Rockets, a little farewell for Fikri who's left Subang Jaya for Penang to work. 

This morning, we had our breakfast at a Kelantanese Restaurant, if I'm not mistaken la. Fikri and I planned not to eat rice for breakfast but we couldn't say no when we were there. There was A LOT of food, you couldn't make a brilliant choice! I'll tell you something, when you are in a Kelantan Restaurant, food is all around you man. Talking about food was many, the place was hell crowded too. We were 6, had to sit at a 4-seated-table but of course, we didn't mind because as long as we get to sit and eat, we are cool. 

Unfortunately, there was a man at his 50s had trouble to find his sit. He was alone. He had his Cucur Udang on his plate already, holding it and dragging it everywhere as he was looking for an empty sit. He wants to be seated for him to eat comfortably. I felt bad, as though I wanted to find a chair for him and give to him. Tak payah meja pun tak apa la because desperate moment kan. He was standing, walking around the restaurant for 5 minutes, I guess? Sampai kuah Cucur Udang tu tumpah tumpah. I wanted to stand up and call for the waiter to give him a sit. But as I wanted to do that, the waiter opened a new table for him. Sempit sikit la but it's the best he can do for him. What's amazing was when the man was so happy, he actually ate his food with a smile. Tu la orang yang bersyukur kan? 

Shout out to the restaurant for a very good service to their customers. They're friendly & loving and most of all, respectful. I love that! But just a little restaurant tip, when you enter a restaurant, best is to find a place to sit first and then only think about searching for food. If you accidentally become like the 50s uncle just now, then the solution is to pack your food at the counter and ciao. Don't ever think of throwing away your food when the reason is just because you don't have a sit. You still can eat your food, just not in the restaurant la.  

Later at 4PM, Fikri has packed his stuff and left Subang Jaya. He is leaving to Penang because his first day of working is on the 1st September. Bismillahirahmanirahim, a new chapter for him. A new environment and ambience for him. All the best to him and may He protects Fikri all the time. Indeed, may Fikri takes care of Allah so He takes care of Fikri too. InsyaAllah, we will visit him soon when he is stable over there which I think he already is. 

That's a surprised. Rasa macam he baru balik from the US but then he has to leave again for work. As for me, hmm I have to perform Isyak prayer as early as I can already. Because the man who usually wakes me up at 2AM - 3AM to pray, has left hahaha. I usually sleep and then later at 2AM, Fikri would wake me up because he knows I haven't pray. If I sleep anywhere else besides my room, it means I haven't pray. That's how I "send" him a message. Also, if I haven't put on my bedak sejuk, it is also a hidden "message" I sent to him. Since he has left, then I should pray as early as I can. Might as well before 10PM, LOL. 

Just received a message from Fikri. He has safely arrived! Alhamdulillah. 

Till then, these are the highlights for today! Besides whatever happened at Dataran Merdeka today, of course. Malaysians want their voices allowed to be heard, and did this because it's how the love for Malaysia works. #bersih4 

Another day at work

Today is just another day at work and of course, it was a normal day. Usually, Dad picked me up from work and then we'll be home in less than 2 minutes because I swear, my house is really near to where I'm working.

Oh! I'm a teacher now, a part time teacher. Where I'm at? Let's that be a secret! Because, I do know you know ;)

And then I have a habit where I'll lie down on the couch for maybe an hour after I got home. It depends, if I want to watch a movie, I'll be upstairs. If I want to be alone having my gadgets on my hands, I'll be downstairs. On the 3-seat-couch. Like right now, I'm lying down on the couch upstairs watching Lilo & Stitch.

Mom would ask what I had for my dinner. I usually had nothing, hehe but I said I had something just because I don't want Mom to worry about me. But I'm not lying! I had something light like biscuits or chocolate bars and just a drink. And then I'll continue teaching the kids. It's fun teaching them, you don't want to miss a second without them.

Praying is exceptional. We can't say we don't want to pray just because we want to teach. Because to lose something for the Almighty is better than to lose the Almighty for something hehe. Actually that phrase has got nothing to do with whatever I said.

Anyway, after I think I have done "relaxing on my couch", then only I take my shower and finally sleep. I think sleeping after you had your shower is just super amazing. I will be on my highest comfort hehe. And unfortunately, I failed at perform Isyak prayer before I sleep(sometimes only). So, I usually wake up or got waken up by Mama or Bangah to perform my Isyak prayer. I really put a note saying I haven't perform my Isyak so they'll wake me up before Subuh time. Haha

So that total up my night routine on my working days! I will of course try harder on being a better person. Wee!

Assalamualaikum, yang baik comes from Allah, yang buruk comes from myself. Forgive me.

A frog & a very dangerous animal you know

To think about it then, i'd be so surprised when somebody who knows me for over 6 years could leave me for someone he just met 6 days ago.

I held grudges. Fuh, time tu memang boleh tahu tahap kesabaran tak tinggi. Sebab dendam. Tengah marah lagi. Syaitan semua seronok dgn aku, astarghfirullah. Siap naik angin, cemburu etc. Pastu, dia pun marah balik nak protect that 6-days-person he just met.

After a week of that specific drama, I let it go. Because i remind myself, 6 or 10 years of friendship but if only them who mock your journey to your dreams won't worth your time. We've finished our high school and i believe that we build our own journey of future/life by ourselves. And if there is someone who gives negative vibes or don't support us, then we shall throw them in a bin. Because I guarantee that there are many more humans who give you positive vibes as well as support. And of course, your family takes part too.

I held him still because I thought I was strong enough to make him from wrong to right but, he was stronger. So he won & I lost. He gave up on listening but I didn't give up on helping.

I have never thought I'd wasted my time getting to know a person. It is nice to know someone either they are bad or good. And I also don't think a person is a bad person. It's a matter of choice to pick them into your life or throw away from your life. And we mention people who we throw away from our lives as bad people.

As months passes by, I met him again. I thought I would see hate in him but Alhamdulillah, nope. It was a moment where I said, "Aku kenal dia ni tapi aku macam tak tahu nak cakap apa dengan dia" So, aku buat bodoh. I literally said to myself "I managed to walk again after what had happened between us"

Like really, you thought you'd as though couldn't live because he was a part of you for years but hey you lived! You felt so glad that it was only for a moment you'd get mad. And after that, no more. You don't even feel or think you care or bother. You'd only feel proud for you have gone through something painful. And then it's like you are trying to get to know a new person now.

You wonder why would you be mad last time. You wonder if it was you last time. You had so many things in mind because you confused yourself!

Though we know and understand 6 years or 6 days or even 6 hours, ni semua takdir Tuhan. Jodoh semua dekat tangan Tuhan. And yes, it was really painful, after all. You would want to wish you'll never feel that pain anymore. But it was a lesson. A pain gains your lesson. And a pain teaches you something.

The next thing you know, you are confused to say Hi again or just walk. Because, I am paranoid. Like a frog who gets bitten by a very dangerous animal, that frog would be afraid of getting to know that animal again.

But I guess, that silly. We control our emotions not emotions control us. So I think a Hi conversation to being friends are perfectly fine :-)

In the end, it was just a story. But where and when must we begin again?

Till we meet again, mate. My prayers are always with you.

There are many more shapes than a square

What shapes do we know, exactly? Many, just many. Also, we've been taught on how to think inside a box which is in a square shape. And when you were in Form 1, the next thing you know is "Next year I'll be in my Form 2". You'll be saying that porbably until you're in Form 5.

And then, what do you ask when you're in Form 5? You can't be saying "I'll be in college". Not everyone is able to pay for the fees, the books etc. You need to plan and planning does its job to know your tomorrow's achievement.

As I grow up, I see and get to understand alot of people. I see how they think not only in a square but also in a circle, hexagon, triangle and other shapes. And what inspired me the most was when each of us has our own problems. It's nice to share our problems and feel the warmth when they lent their hands. But I believe, when you have your own problem, you will know how to solve it. You'd find a way to solve it and then, you plan your progress on solving your problem. And I believe that when you have seen the solution, you could solve it yourself. Unless of course if you needed a hand, then just ask for a help! Never ask them to think for your problem and think for it's solution.

People would give some examples and opinions but that doesn't mean you have to follow them. You make your own choice and it is okay if you don't follow them. They wont be with you until you die. You made a choice, you made a mistake choosing that, you regret. That's a part of life, we all have to deal with it. And when I say deal, I really mean it. Because when you regret, you will cry. And crying over the limit won't change a thing. Take a full energy to think on how to resolve again and say 'I may regret but I have learned and I solved it and now I am happy"

Like now, I write whatever comes out from my mind. I didn't filter anything. I'll get embarrassed if my grammar and vocab here gets very wrong till' you guys laugh at me. Also, I wouldn't know if you understand whatever I've said but I hope I did send a message or two.

I may regret whatever I did in my life but how I solve it, I just get to know more inspirational humans, more-experienced humans and am now managed to build my own castle. I've learned a lot of new things either they are negative or positive, but I did collect knowledge as well as gaining more experiences and confidence.

Thank you to the ones who have been a part of my after high school journey. If you are sincere on helping me then I am sincere being your company.

Watch me playing Ukulele at,
https://youtu.be/XgkSop9JYOs

Till we meet again, xo.

Burung Merpati & Labah-labah

Assalamualaikum,

Zaman Nabi Muhammad dulu, Rasulullah SAW dilindung oleh Burung Merpati & Labah-labah yang membuat sarang di pintu gua sehingga meyakinkan  pemuda-pemuda Quraisy itu  bahawa tiada sesiapa yang berada di dalam gua itu. Sehingga terselamatlah Rasulullah SAW & sahabatnya Abu Bakar dari buruan pemuda-pemuda tersebut. 

Cerita saya pulak, ada seorang student ni bagi kertas yang dah siap lukis  gambar spider. Dia tinggal colourkan je. Bila dah siap, dengan yakin dia cakap "Cikgu simpan la kertas Spider ni. Dulu Spider lindung Nabi dari bahaya orang Quraisy kan. Sekarang harap harap Tuhan hantar orang ke benda baik untuk lindung cikgu dari apa apa benda buruk. Mana tahu spider pun protect cikgu."

The thing a 7 year old boy says. MashaAllah. Tersenyum. Rasa macam gaji sebulan tak dapat pun tak apa la, digantikan dengan reward macam ni. Syukur hehe

The night of Decree.

Assalamualaikum.

It's the last week of Ramadhan. I'm excited for Raya but honestly feeling sad leaving Ramadhan. It has been so beautiful. Selalu kita dengar orang asyik cakap bulan puasa bukan didik kita lebih baik dan sebagainya. Betul.

It taught me how to be more patience, how to tolerate with people yang ada opposite attitude and how to stand up for my right. Terkejut kot bila tahu I can do this. But oh well, memang kalau hati dah tetapkan ikhlas kepada Allah, semua kerja baik berjalan lancar. InsyaAllah.

Tapi sedih jugak sebab azam bulan Ramadhan tahun ni, nak khatam Al Quran. Tengok tengok tak sempat. Tak sampai 15 Juzud baca. SubhanAllah, is it because I was only giving my full attention on working? Terkilan rasa. InsyaAllah, tahun depan kita jumpa lagi ok Ramadhan.

[QS Al Qadr {97}:1-3] Indeed, we sent the Quran down during the night of Decree. And what can make you know what is the night of Decree? The night of Decree is better than a thousand months.

Salam Ramadhan, semoga kita jadi lebih baik for Allah. Amin.

Do you think you feel lonely?

Assalamualaikum.

I don't really understand when or what is lonely. I used to be as open as I can be to this friend of mine. But as time passes, both of us seemed to shut each other and that was when I am changing, too.

I had to shut my mouth, and not share anything with anyone anymore. My good or bad stories happened to hid inside a safe box rather than to share those stories with someone, especially someone you are close with.

I guess I had to change 360 degrees to improve myself too and in many ways, I felt so lonely. But, how i make myself better is when I just talk to Allah about it and I felt less burden but i am curious, am i really lonely? What does lonely really means? Does it even exist?

😔

Life castle

Hualamak selama ni i was emotional for I lost my very last friend. Dari habis sekolah sampai sekarang, satu per satu. Tak sangka the most loved one pergi juga. Innalillah.

Tak mati, semua hidup lagi. Cuma cerita ni menyedihkan. Dan sebenarnya, Alhamdulillah hubungan antara semua masih elok, tak serapat dulu je laa.

Trust me, i was being emotional for these past few days and they were such waste. I could have spend those days with something i wouldve been proud of, sigh.

I had to meet their parents and talk. But then, who is the person you need right now? Yourself. You gotta love yourself, buddy. Haha.

I am walking on a busy and broken road now, there is no short cut. Its going to take a long time until i walk on the easy and safest road. and i am happy. Broken or not, busy or not, dangerous or not, i am happy. Bcs i know, i am strong in a way. And i believe Allah makes me feel this way bcs He knows i can do it. Amin.

My life has turned the other way round recently. My life was upside down, i couldnt stand up. I thought i have lost faith, hope, trust, dignity and more but today, i believe i dont.

I am now standing on my own two feet, seeking for my strength and gain them all over again. Throw them negative thoughts, throw them negative attitudes. Bcs you need to think positive to take your place.

Forgive me for all my wrong doings. My past. Never remind me of my silly and immature attitudes. I have my own life now, feeling free. I am now building my own life castle for me to rest in peace in the hereafter. I have no ones support except for my family. I guess its enough for it is only the starting point.

We may think we have lost every part of our soul but think again. Have you really lost them?

Salam, may Allah bless us all. Be strong!

Friendship

Assalamualaikum,
  It's April already and I have going through a rough month on March. Alhamdulillah for I got over it. To those who involved with my stupid-or-not case, May Allah grant all of you a place in Jannah. I am glad to have you all around me when I was in my weakest moment especially my family. No words could have describe how I totally felt, no words I could describe how appreciate I am but my prayers are always be with you.

  I've realised so many things about a week or two weeks ago. I was in my very dramatic moment of my life. I didn't have anyone I could talk to, no friends. I assume they have many better things to do than just to listen to what I was going to say.  I was in a stage where I was shocked, was alone and confused. I couldn't think of anyone who could help my situation except for one. I thought I could depend on a friend of mine who I've been trusted for almost 6 years. But, no. It's not that I couldn't depend on him but it's because he didn't understand my situation. As a matter of fact, he disrespects me.

  I was blind. Blinded by stupid love, blinded by trending news, blinded by haram things. I thought if I loved someone, I should protect them and care for them. I did that, but in a very wrong way. I realised I only care and protect them here in Dunia. The way I love people only shown in this Dunia, not hereafter.  To the ones I love, I would find and protecting them in the hereafter. Because, this world doesn't last forever. This world is belongs to Allah, and so is our soul. It's hard to believe this but when you seek of knowledge and find yourself understandable, you will soon find out that the feeling you have towards someone is just temporary, includes your family.

  The love feeling you felt for your family is a temporary feeling. I believe Allah doesn't want us to love someone too much because when He takes one's soul, you cry yourself out until you are blind. And when you cry, you question Him, "Why must one die? Why must one die before me?" Just as a reminder, who are we to question Him that? We don't control people, we could only control ourselves. After you question Him, you won't get any replies. Allah would never speaks to you here, and He would never tell you things He has to say. This world is for us to explore and for us to seek more knowledge because knowledge won't come to us that easy. The one who seeks for it desperately, deserves it.  In the end, you are sad that you would never want to make Ibadat for Allah. You prefer to hate Him, disobey Him. Don't. We should never feel this way. I believe the real love is towards Him. So, if you think you love someone too much now, you need to realised that you have to love Allah more than anyone.  May Allah grant us all more understanding.

    Right now, I'm in the stage where I want to be a better person. Not to please anyone but to please Allah. I have realised I should fix myself, my akhlak, my relationship with Allah than I shall be thinking of some other things. Please give me a respect of what I believe and what I've decided to do. I received a lot of negative comments about me trying to change myself, please don't. Either you have something nice to say or don't say anything at all.  My love towards anyone is full of sincerity. I've never hoped for them to loved me back. Just for you to know, I am always negative and think that I have never done anything good. If I were anyone, I wouldn't love myself to. And this is wrong, we have to get to know and love ourselves. Then, only we can get to know someone else. Agree?

  I have a friend who disagrees with my decision. He who disrespects me, must read this. But then, disagree wasn't the worst thing I could experienced in my entire 5-years-friendship. Instead, he wanted to vanish me and delete all of our memories together were the worst. He had his intention on vanish me in his life and I could not lie but to feel upset.

  For weeks, I've prayed, crying on my mom's shoulder, complained to his mother. Also, call up his family members. Foremost, I've prayed hard and complained to Allah and Alhamdulillah, He listens. Last night, he texted me after weeks of trying to vanish me. He felt sorry and asked for my forgiveness. Alhamdulillah, I feel at ease to know we both are doing good now. Though I actually felt a bit awkward inside, but I guess this takes time. I also believe that it is better to feel awkward than to lose him. I believe to break a friendship down is unforgiven. May Allah protects us all from making any bad decisions.

  Have a good day, begins with Bismillah and ends with Alhamdulillah. May Allah bless us all.

Satisfied enough, I am.

How are you? Did you skip any meals? How are your sickness, allergies, etc? What's new?

Probably these questions've been running around my mind, wondering about your silly life. And silly me if I say I'd be thinking of you but nah, just tonight, I thought of you.

I didn't expect to see you around but I did. And I didn't expect you showed up with someone else. Someone that I know too. I should have known though you've been talking about her for more than one and I thought it was nothing. But, no one knows deep inside your heart.

I'm not mad nor sad but if only I see a clearer version earlier, it'd be better haha. But, God is good. May He grant us more understanding and protects us always.

And, am not trying to be mean or worst, I just wish you'd move as soon as possible. I can't control people but I wish I could. But hey, that's what happened when you break up in the same town. You gotta move or move on.

Stay healthy, protect your loved ones from any harm :D

Keep being strong. Becaue you'll be weaker when you are sad. I used to be like that but nu-uh, not anymore. So, I guess - never be sad if you had to leave someone who doesn't appreciate you.

Allah Maha Pengasih

Assalamualaikum,
Baru baru ni aku rajin sembang dengan orang yang kita panggil, berilmu. Kerja nak share ilmu dia je, bagus la. Tak kedekut ilmu.
Bukan nak kata yang lain tak berilmu, cuma ala kadar dan itu pun cukup baiknya.

Aku ada bercerita tentang aku-
I want to pause everything because I feel like I have to fix my relationship with The Creator. So I did. Susah jugak la, because I've been used to do things that shouldn't do, things that The Almighty would be mad. Tu semua hasutan Syaitan, dan iman aku memang lemah.

Dan sekarang aku sedar banyak benda yang aku masih tak tahu, dah la banyak, rasa macam terlambat pun ada. Tapi, Dia lagi mengetahui perangai aku. Kata orang yang berilmu tu pula, aku dihantar sekolah yang kita panggil terdedah dengan pelbagai. Jadi, aku mungkin terikut dengan perangai yang tak baik, mungkin terbawa bawa sampai aku sedar sekarang. Dan bila aku terdetik hati nak ubah, mungkin jalan untuk aku lebih senang. Katanya la. Sesungguhnya kot mana pun, Allah lagi tahu.

Kata orang berilmu tu lagi, orang orang yang dibesarkan di dalam sekolah yang tidak terdedah langsung dgn pelbagai, dorang takkan ada nafsu nak cuba benda benda yang tak patot. Jadi, bila dah tiba masa untuk dorang langkah ke College ke University ke, iman dorang terganggu. Banyak hasutan syaitan. Dan sebabtu ada je orang yang dulu kita kenal baik orangnya, bila besar, jadi sebaliknya.  May Allah protects us all.

Jangan berhenti cari ilmu. Ilmu takkan berjalan dekat kita sendiri je, kita yang mencari ok?

But remember, in your life, you've given a choice for yourself. Either you choose for the best, or the worst, you will need to choose one. Though the best or worst has its own reward, you'll have to make a choice.

Dan sebenarnya yang penting, Allah Maha Pengasih. Dia sayang dekat kita, minta minta lah doa supaya selalu dilindung olehNya. Jangan biar orang lain doa untuk kita je, usaha sendiri pun penting. I believe everyone has its own time to change, we could only pray and sabr.

Yang baik datang dari Allah, yang buruk datang dari saya sendiri. Forgive me.

The escalator skirt

Assalamualaikum.

To girls, pernah tak korang pakai long skirt? Lepastu, kembang kembang haha.

I wore that yesterday and it got stucked into the escalator. I pulled, it didn't get off. Nasib baik, ada hamba Allah ni yang kuat. Yela, kerja dekat fitness dulu. Mana tak naik muscle dia ye dok?

He pulled my skirt with one try and yay, Alhamdulillah syukur skirt tak koyak! Hehe

Feeling embarrassed but, benda nak jadi~

Cuba tanya, pernah tak disoal macam ni?

Bila seorang perempuan diberi hidayah untuk menutup aurat sepenuhnya, pernah tak dia diuji cabaran? Cuba tanya dia.

Ada seorang hamba tanya dia-
Awak ni pakai macam ni teringin jadi ustazah ke?

Kedua, awak tak nak ke tunjuk aurat tu sikit, nampak la cantik lagi.

Pernah tak sesiapa diuji macam ni? Saya.

Jangan la salah faham, jangan la tak tahu ilmu agama langsung. Malu dekat diri sendiri.

Dan bila pakai full set hitam, orang tanya
"Awak ni pengikut Syiah ye?"

Atau, "Nak pergi berkabung ke?"

Bila pakai full set putih pula, ada yang tanya
"Ada kebumian nak kena pergi ke?"

Atau, "teringin jadi bidadari ye?"

Hidup. Penuh dengan orang yang tak mengerti. Yang malas cari ilmu. Carilah wahai rakan, masa takkan berhenti. Masa kekal berjalan. Jangan bila kita tua, baru menyesal.

Maklumlah, tanda tanda akhir zaman meningkat, aku nasihat kepada korang untuk sedar lah kesilapan kita dan muhasabah la diri. Also, be prepared because you can die in just a minute.

Bagi aku soalan soalan tadi agak sensitive tapi bila aku sedar mereka sebenarnya tak berilmu, aku jadi lebih semangat. Maaf, tapi cubalah belajar. Ilmu harus dicari, bukan dia datang bila bila.

Mudah mudahan kalian diberi hidayah dan pertunjuk oleh Allah. May He guide you to His path and may He forgive our wrong doings.

Dan marilah kita sama sama doakan bagi Allah buka pintu hati kita, memilih kita untuk ke jalan benar dan supaya kita diberi hidayah oleh Allah.

Naik tangga slow slow, yang penting jangan putus asa mencari ilmu.

Islam tu mudah, diri je yang menyusahkan. Whats good come from Himself, whats bad come from ourselves.

Assalamualaikum.
Soalan soalan ni tidak dituju pada sesiapa yang make joke of it. The ones who asked me curiousity are the ones who should know.

A dream can be beautiful, a dream can be ugly.

Assalamualaikum.

Syukur for a very good morning I had today with my family. Syukur, I feel loved by the Almighty, and my family.

But my dream was in between.

Pernah tak korang ada banyak masalah, more than 1 to be exact. Haha, 2 pun cukup. Then, korang sedih and feeling down sebab there wasn't any clue to settle down and to overcome your sadness.

You tried so hard to think the solution, but nah. Doa je senjata, harapan untuk diberi petunjuk.

So you slept at night feeling sad, tears everywhere. Sekali dalam mimpi, your problems are settled down. There was a way for it, given by the Almighty. It's like the Almighty is trying to give you a message. It feels like He was there for me, when I was sad and in trouble. But knowing HE is there for you, happy tak?

I had a dream my problems are gone, things between people are back to normal, me feeling loved by many. It's so good to be dreaming something like that sometimes. At least you have something to smile rather than not.

Bangun bangun, realised that tu semua hanya mimpi.. jadi, tak tahu mimpi tadi tu petunjuk untuk cara selesaikan masalah or, petunjuk supaya untuk bersabar and only depend on HIM sebab things will be back to normal one day, InsyaAllah.

May Allah bless us all and grant us more understanding. And may He guide me to Jannah.

Benda tak elok, jangan simpan jadi kenangan terindah

Two days ago, asked a boy if we'd be normal. Oh there he goes, saying yeah sure. Making everything sounds so fine haha.

This morning, terus nak lupa everything. What do you want exactly, kerja main main je.

But, syukur Alhamdulillah, kita lupakan benda ni, sebab benda ni pun benda buruk. Tuhan tak suka dikekalkan benda ni, jadi terbaiklah untuk lupa.

Tak sempat cakap formal goodbye, but doa sentiasa lindung.

Salam petang, yuuhuu.